Another leap of faith
by notquite.somethingelse
Summary: In which Ren is the happiest man in the world, but also the most scared, because he's going to tell Kyoko everything.


**Disclaimer: **

**I don't own Skip Beat! or any of its characters.**

**Notes:**

**Listen, I know there's no way my secret reveal will be better than that of Nakamura sensei. But I started fantasizing about it one day and it got away from me and became something cute and fluffy that made me smile, so I decided to write it down.**

**I hope you enjoy it at least half as much as I enjoyed it in my mind.**

**You can also find this story in Archiveofourown!**

***Sorry about any mistakes, English is not my first language.**

…...…...…...…...…...

Ren paced his apartment restlessly. Mogami-san was about to arrive and his stomach was filled with excitement, happiness and worry.

Last week, the planets had aligned and – taking a leap of faith – they had confessed their feelings for each other in a moment of vulnerability. A moment that Ren would remember for the rest of his life, and the day of their first kiss. But he couldn't focus on that at that moment, because today was meant to be another life-altering situation. For good or bad. He was going to tell Kyoko everything.

Now that they had started dating, he felt guilty about keeping his past secret. Actually, he wanted to tell her. Or rather, he was not looking forward to the _process_ of telling her, but he _needed_ her to know before their relationship went any further. He was aware that if she reacted badly, this could end their relationship before it even began – Ren paused in his pacing due to the pain the possibility caused him – but there wasn't any way around it.

The bell rang and Ren almost jumped out of his skin. Taking a deep breath, he willed himself to look his normal confident self and opened the door.

"Good evening, Mogami-san. Thank you for coming."

"I-It's my pleasure, Tsuruga-san." Kyoko looked down with a small smile and a blush, and Ren had to reign in what his instincts were saying and forced himself to step aside to let her in.

However, once inside the house, he couldn't help tipping her head upwards with a gentle finger to kiss her softly on the lips. He opened his eyes just in time to see her do the same. She blinked a couple of times, as if coming out of a daydream, her eyelashes hitting her cheeks delicately. It was the greatest thing he had ever seen. His smile widened.

"I missed you."

She raised one of her eyebrows, but pursed her mouth, trying to hide a grin. "It's only been a week."

He cocked his head to the side, guilelessly. "So?"

Kyoko opened her mouth as if about to say something, but she changed her mind and shook her head. "You really are flirty, Tsuruga-san."

"Doesn't make what I say any less true. May I take your coat?"

Having taken care of her coat, he offered her a cup of coffee and she accepted, so they stood in the kitchen waiting for it to brew. Ren asked her about her day to mask his nervousness and listened as she cheerfully told him about the drama she was filming.

When it was ready, they took their cups to the living room and sat down at the low table next to the sofa. Ren breathed in the comforting smell of coffee to gather courage.

"So, Mogami-san, I actually called you here because there are some things I wanted to tell you about."

"Okay," she replied, looking surprised at his formal tone.

"There are some things about me that you don't know and... I feel I should tell them to you, I don't feel comfortable keeping them a secret now that we are dating." Kyoko's face grew serious and a bit worried. In an effort to lighten the mood, Ren continued, "Luckily, the first thing I want to talk about is the easiest. I mentioned once that Tsuruga Ren is my stage name, didn't I? Would you like to know my real name?"

Kyoko's eyes got bigger and she nodded her head eagerly. It made Ren smile slightly as he braced for the bomb he was about to drop.

"It's Hizuri Kuon. Kuu is my father."

There was a pause as Mogami-san processed the information and then, "Eeeeeeh?!" Kyoko's shock was comically exaggerated. "But, no! It can't be! I thought fa- Kuu-san's son had passed away!"

That took Ren aback and he felt a twinge of pain in his chest. "What? Did my father said I was dead?"

"Ah!" Kyoko covered her mouth as it occurred to her that she had said something very insensitive. Then she looked off to the distance, trying to remember. "Uh... Now that I think about it, I guess I jumped to conclusions? He said that he wondered how his son might have grown up; he didn't know since the last time he saw Kuon was at 15... I don't remember exactly, but he said it with such sadness that... it was very misleading!" she finished defensively.

"Ah," said Ren, relieved. "I guess it could have been interpreted that way."

He then noticed Kyoko staring at him with concealed confusion. "Kuu-san looked really sad when he talked about his son. Was that time we met while I was playing Kuon... was that the first time you'd seen each other in five years?"

The now familiar guilt he felt when he thought about his parents came back, intensified by the knowledge of what Kyoko's own mother was like. Mogami-san was probably wondering what made him run away from such loving parents, while she would have given everything to be loved by her mother when she was little.

"Yes. I'd like to tell you why."

Kyoko nodded and seemed to sense that it would be a long explanation, because she settled in her seat, as if ready for a story.

"I was born in the United States." Ren started. "As you correctly guessed, my father was my hero, so from a really young age I decided that I wanted to be an actor, like him. An actor that he would one day be proud of.

"I started my career very early, but my father's influence was too great. Everyone knew him and therefore me. And everyone assumed I would get jobs because of his influence. I was faced with jealousy because of my connections, disdain, aggression, and my fair share of racism because of my mixed blood.

My pride didn't help, either. The jobs that I did get, I would eventually get fired from because I refused to listen to my director's orders; I thought I knew my characters better than them."

At that, Mogami-san looked down for a moment and nodded to herself as if remembering something, but he kept going.

"I became more and more frustrated with time. I felt like I didn't have a place in the world. I started to get aggressive, violence became my only escape..." He could feel his face slipping from his Tsuruga mask into something darker, and looked down at the table, unable to hold Kyoko's gaze. "I did some things I'm ashamed of, and some things I'll never forgive." He heard the sound of that car hitting Rick. Tina's accusatory scream. But he forced himself to go on. "Something happened and I became unable to move about. I was a shadow of myself. I felt that, not only had I failed at my one dream, I had made everyone I loved miserable, I had destroyed their lives." He took a deep breath and swallowed the ache in his throat. "My parents asked the president for help, and he proposed a solution: I was to change my name and live in Japan, with no contact with my parents, to try to make a name for myself as an actor. And, ultimately, to find a way to forget or heal."

Ren then looked up again at the girl sitting next to him. She looked about to cry. "I took that opportunity without looking back, without even considering my loving parents' feelings. You must think I'm the most selfish and ungrateful person in the planet."

"No, I don't!" Mogami-san said, decidedly, at the same time that she laid her hand on top of his. "You saw a lifeline and hanged on tight to survive. I wouldn't blame you for that."

The knot in Tsuruga's stomach loosened a bit. "You know, if you call the president a lifeline for what he did, then you are one too."

"What?"

"After the things I had done and the pain I caused, I wouldn't let myself be happy. I buried Kuon under the Tsuruga Ren persona.

"Then I fell in love with you." He heard Kyoko's intake of breath at his declaration, even if it wasn't the first time he had said it. "At first I put distance between us because I didn't deserve you, but then I started to slowly get in touch again with Kuon for my role as Katsuki, and later as Cain. And I realised that neither me as Tsuruga nor me as Kuon wanted to let you down. No matter what part of me it is, I want to live up to your expectations and be worthy of you. I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself, but I think I've reached an understanding with my past, and I want to be happy, with you."

This time, a tear did fall off from Mogami-san's eyes and rolled down her cheek. He wiped it off with his thumb and suddenly felt Kyoko tense under his touch. "What's wrong?"

"I just... Does it... What does that mean? When you say you buried yourself under the Tsuruga Ren persona... Does that mean I don't actually know you?" the slight tremble in Mogami's voice made him contradict her immediately.

"No! Mogami-san, you do know me! Well, quite a lot, at least," he conceded. "My likes or dislikes, my work ethic, my broken stomach... You see, I couldn't create a completely different person and act as them 24/7, for 5 years. I would've gone mad!" he explained. "I did change some aspects. I certainly acted more carefree than I felt, and more... gentlemanly and mature, I guess. That was my goal, to be seen as a likeable, responsible adult. I hid my more dangerous characteristics, like my violent side and my black moods. I didn't want those parts of me anymore anyways. Not after the path they led me to."

To Ren's relief, Kyoko's momentary fear seemed to have vanished. Instead she was now studying his face, considering. "But you still have them, though. Those characteristics." Ren tried to keep his face blank to hide his surprise. "I've seen your bad moods and the fury behind your smiles. I know you can be scary sometimes," she added, with an almost accusatory look. It made him chuckle sheepishly.

"Yes. You do know how to get under my skin and make me break character. Although actually, Yashiro-san does know the real me quite well too. And lately even Kijima." At that last name, Kyoko's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Maybe I'm not as good an actor as I'd like to think," he said with a sardonic smile. However, he got serious again. "Mogami-san, I think you do know me quite well. You are actually the person who knows me best, except for maybe the President. But I want to propose something. Every time we are alone, I'll act more like the real me. Bit by bit. So that you can know me truly, better than anyone."

Kyoko's face relaxed into a soft smile. "I'd like that."

It made Ren smile in return. "But then, you'll have to let me call you Kyoko-chan."

"Eeeh? How is that related?"

"Because Tsuruga is the one who calls you – his adorable kohai who he wants to keep at a distance – 'Mogami-san'. Kuon wouldn't do that. So to let myself be me, I need to call you Kyoko-chan."

"Ah..." she sent him a suspicious look, as if he was making up excuses – which he guessed, he kind of was – but in the end she chose to go along with it. "I guess that's fine, then."

"Although, to be fair, the Tsuruga who is in love with you doesn't want to call you Mogami-san anymore either."

To Ren's amusement, Kyoko then reddened to the tip of her ears and hid her face behind her hands. "Oh my god, you can't just say stuff like that out of the blue, Tsuruga-san! Ah!" She seemed to realise something. "Actually, what should I call you?"

"Well, when we're outside, I'd like it if you called me Ren," he smiled when she made a scandalous face, but then he got serious, guessing what her question meant. "However, I don't think I'll be comfortable with you calling me Kuon, even if we are alone. I don't have many good memories associated with that name."

Kyoko's eyebrows creased in sympathy. "If you don't want me to call you Kuon I won't," she said haltingly. "But it's the name your parents love very much, they gave it to you." He looked down. He did miss the way his parents said his name, it had always been full of so much love. But still... "So I want to propose something!" He looked up at her again and saw her eyes filled with determination. "When we are alone and you do nice things for me, I'll say things like 'thank you, Kuon' or 'good work, Kuon!' or 'I hope we can see each other soon, Kuon!' so little by little you have good things associated with it, like magic almost!" Now she was getting excited and halfway to her magic kingdom. "Aaah, I wish I could talk to Corn about this. Since he's a fairy, I'm sure he knows spells that could be useful. Although now he can only use magic once in this world..."

Ren felt a pinch of anxiety in his chest. He had been wondering whether to tell her about Corn. He had almost convinced himself that adding that story to the secret of his family and of his dark past would be too much. But he had told himself not to lie to her again. He took a deep breath.

"Kyoko-chan. There's one more important thing I have to tell you. It's okay to be upset about this. But I hope you won't."

That brought her back to Earth quite quickly. "What is it?" She asked, worried. She must have been thinking, _what more can there be?_

"When I was little, my dad took me once with him on a business trip to Kyoto. He was busy all day, so I ran off to a little forest near our hotel because I always loved to be surrounded by nature.

I was admiring a small stream when suddenly I heard small steps and a little girl crying. Said girl burst suddenly into the clearing and as soon as she saw me, she froze, her tears stopped and she suddenly smiled. She asked 'are you a fairy?' with giant happy eyes. And I said yes, so that she wouldn't cry anymore."

Kyoko was shell-shocked. On the edge between believing and not believing. Ren continued.

"And the thing is that I wouldn't be so scared to tell you this if it wasn't for what happened in Guam. Because it is a very good memory for me. After all, we were both kids and when I met you again in Tokyo I couldn't tell you even though I saw your stone, because I was keeping my identity a secret.

"But then you saw me coming out of the water in Guam... I tried to ignore you, but you looked really depressed. I don't know how, but you realised without a doubt that I was your childhood friend grown up. And I didn't have the heart to leave you alone like that.

I'm sorry I didn't come clean, but I wasn't prepared yet. And everything I told you – besides the fairy kingdom stuff – was true."

Kyoko's face was completely blank, as if she was still processing all the information, so Ren made use of that pause to go to the bathroom to get something. When he sat back down, he put on the table a box of brown hair dye and a case for his brown contacts, which he took off and kept there, before looking at Kyoko again, with his green eyes.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you in Guam." Kyoko's eyes were fixed in his, but he was still having trouble reading her expression. "Are you disappointed that I'm not really a fairy?"

Now she blinked rapidly, emotion touching her eyes. "When I was little, I would have given everything I owned to make Corn stay," she answered. "So no, I'm not disappointed, I'm just... shocked! This is a lot..." she said, bringing her hand to her forehead.

"I know, I'm sorry to be dumping all this on you. I needed to tell you." Ren studied her for a moment and swallowed. "Kyoko-chan, what I said in Guam before I left that bar is true. I thought I was cursed, and I cursed myself to not be happy, because I didn't deserve it." Kyoko looked at him sadly, but with understanding.

"But when you said that everything you went through was necessary to become the current you... it made me see things that way. Even though there will always be a part of me that will regret some things... I realised that if I hadn't been unhappy as a child, I wouldn't have gone to Kyoto with my dad, and I wouldn't have met you there. If I hadn't taken the President's lifeline, I wouldn't have found you again. And I wouldn't have fallen for you, and I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. Now I'm glad I was born because I could meet Kyoko-chan. Finding you again in a random corridor in LME was the best thing that's ever happened to me."

To his surprise, a couple of tears fell from Kyoko's lashes suddenly. He felt guilty instantly.

"I-I'm sorry, don't cry." Kyoko covered her face with her hands and murmured something through her palms. Ren took one of her hands and held it gently on the table. "What?"

She took a few breaths. "I- I feel the same way."

Ren's heart filled with warmth. He got to his knees and moved towards Kyoko to hold her in his arms. He tried to think of something to say to express his happiness, but as he relished in the feel of Kyoko's breathing growing calm against him, he couldn't find the words. Instead, he said,

"I wish I had some egg-shaped rock to cheer you up." Kyoko let out a surprised chuckle. "You were so easy to distract when you were little. Actually, you haven't really changed that much. When you worked as my manager and I fell ill, it reminded me so much of when we were little and I overheated and you brought me frozen things so that I felt better."

She then pulled away from his hug without withdrawing completely, to look at him with recognition in her eyes. "I remember that... I also remember that you called me 'Kyoko-chan' when your fever was very high."

That made Ren's eyebrows rise. "I did?"

"Yes. I thought you were calling someone else... gods, I can't believe you're Corn, this is crazy!" she said with a shocked laugh.

"No, it's fate." Ren's confident tone took her by surprise. "Or I like to think so. And even if it isn't, I'd go against any god or trickster that tries to break us apart."

She stared at him for a moment, but then she shook her head and shyly hugged him again. "You won't have to. I-I love you," she whispered into his shoulder.

Ren hugged her back and kissed her head. If he did have to, there's no way we'd lose, he thought with a smile. Right there, in his living room, holding the woman he loved, he felt like the most powerful man in the world.

…...…...…...…...…...

**Notes:**

**I wish I could say that I'm gonna continue this, but I've learned from my mistakes and life's a biotch, so unless I suddenly get a lot of free time or really obsessed with this, this is the end.**

**Thank you for reading my silly daydream :)**


End file.
